By Amanda Thompson
“Pickle? Well Pickle is the virgin,” he chuckles. “We call him Pickle because it’s his nickname, nobody calls you by your real name,” comments fraternity brother Buns matter-of-factly. Buns continues, “We honestly wish he’d just do it already, like what is he waiting for?”
‘Pickle’s’ appearance emphasizes his laid-back attitude. He has buzzed hair and a scruffy, unshaven face whose 5 o’clock shadow has long passed. His blue jeans, hiking boots, and forest green zip-up hoodie are nothing out of the ordinary. He sits in an apartment reeking of stale beer and an aquarium, clearly used to the smell. To close friends and family, he’s just Dylan. “I’m from Whitehall New York, a small hick town,” he says, “Parents are divorced and my dad means well, but he’s a little out there.” As a student, “I’m a big slacker. Life at Plattsburgh State is “Typical college; drinking, trying to have fun, don’t really do any school-work.” “It’s kind of sad,” he adds.
To an outsider, Pickle is the typical frat boy. He parties hard on the weekends, hangs with the boys, and he doesn’t really get his work done. His appearance is certainly not clean-cut, but there is something that sets him apart from his fraternity brothers, Pickle is 20-years-old, and Pickle is a virgin.
While this may seem hardly shocking, earth-shattering news, for a fraternity this is the front page headline of the New York Times. “Honestly, we’ve tried getting him laid,” brother Brozo remarks nobly, “We’ve even offered paying a girl once and she said she’d do it for nothing, it was a sure thing and he somehow blew it.” “I mean, he’s not an ugly guy but he just has no game.”
And no, Pickle is not an ugly guy. According to Kylie, a close girlfriend, “He is a nice, funny guy. He’s definitely cute, has a kind of woodsy look I guess.” In terms of his virginity, Kylie says “I think it’s respectable. He is doing what a lot of girls do, just holding off until you find something meaningful.”
Another close girlfriend Amanda remarks, “It’s because he is picky, he could have gotten laid plenty of times by now.” Pickle has priorities; he wants a serious relationship not just a hook-up. “A girl that wants to hook up randomly, that’s not the kind of girl I’d want to be with,” he remarks.
Perhaps, girls are more forgiving. Frat brother Brozo says, “Other brothers in a fraternity expect someone to try and get laid every weekend. So, if you are a virgin they expect you to finally get it out of the way. I mean, he should try harder,” says Brozo when speaking about Pickle. Brother Bowies continues, “Sex is a huge thing that makes you a man in society, it’s like a primal thing.” He also feels, “If you haven’t had sex, it’s like you are below other guys.”
Buns can hardly fathom why Pickle is intentionally saving his virginity. “I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t want an STD?” he speculates. “I mean who wants an STD?” In Plattsburgh apparently this is a threat of plague-like proportions. “You know Plattsburgh girls, always contaminated with bullshit,” Buns says.
Perhaps the best authority on the matter is the only non-nicknamed male friend, one who has been close with Pickle before they pledged the fraternity, for nearly three years. “He has good manners,” Pat says, “He’s the type of person you’d want to bring home to mom and dad if you were his girlfriend.” Pat adds, “He always holds doors and shit too, it’s nice.”
So why hasn’t Pickle met that girl yet who might steal his heart, especially with all of the mixers and social events his fraternity has? Pickle confesses,”Mixers are pretty crazy, but just not that social of an event. People don’t really want to talk that much they just want to party,” he adds, hinting a tone of disappointment. And when his brothers hook up with someone new every weekend, he finds it “Disgusting, it angers me that I don’t find girls and these people just randomly hook-up.”
As for girls in Plattsburgh, he describes them as far from contaminated, but thus far he “just never really found one that stuck with me even as just a friend.” He is in no rush and when he comes to getting physical, “If I like someone, there’s not much to stop me,” he says. Pickle also has little trouble ignoring the pressure of his frat brothers. “They should just understand, I have a different personality, different priorities,” he says. Until then, the anomaly of his noble quest for a good girl as the member of a fraternity continues.
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